Author: Maryjane Estrella

Wearing too many hats. Choice or Decision?

Wearing too many hats. Choice or Decision?

Majority might think that the words decision and choice are the same. There is actually a difference between these two words. An article published by Forbes clearly tackles the Difference between deciding and choosing.

Part of our everyday life is to make decision and choice. The decision or choice we make will lead to either success or failure. We must carefully analyze every factor so we can come up with the best option as possible. We should always remember that distinguishing between decision and choice will make an impact in our lives no matter how small or big it is.

I still remember when I am  single all that matters to me are clothes, foods, friends, trips and my family. Being the youngest and the only daughter in our family, I always put my parents above anything else. I always make it a point that I’m present during doctor’s consultations or at least I can talk to the doctor via phone if I really can’t make it.  I love them and I have big plans for them once I become successful in my career.

There were a lot of challenges in my first career that it made me give up.  Fortunately, I was able to find a job that I like. It is something new to me and I am happy doing perhaps that’s the reason why I was able to climb up the corporate ladder. I experienced pains along the way yet I still managed to handle it because I love what I do. My bosses like me and my team adore me. Recognition given to me and the team became just a norm.

I am so relax with how well I managed my work and personal life. I am very confident that things will never change not until I became a mother.

Everything is happening perfectly to me. My life’s events are on track just the way I planned them to be;  from engagement, wedding and giving birth. I can say everything is a breeze because I have the best husband and supportive family.

Few week before I give birth, my boss asked me what will be the plan after my maternity leave. The “idealistic me” quickly answered, “we will just stay at my parent’s house and before my leave ends we will go back to the condo and look for a nanny. Sadly, it did not turn out the way I wanted it to be.

For 6 months, I worked on day shift and my husband worked on night shift. We had no helper so after work aside from taking care of my baby, I need to clean the house,wash dishes and pump milk. I breastfeed exclusively so I pump milk even during wee hours of the night because I needed to build my stash.

The set up that we had took a toll not only in our own careers but also to our health. I was always late and in a hurry. At the office, I crammed to meet deadlines. I passed the report and headed big projects without even checking if everything is correct. I am totally disappointed with my deliverable because I knew I can do better if I have ample time. In addition, my husband’s health was greatly affected too.

I resigned from my work and I became a full time house wife . It took me long to adjust to the “new me”. There was also a time that I pity myself and will do nothing but finish a whole box of  chocolate cookies in one sitting. Days passed that I will not take a bath and even brush teeth.  My self esteem and my weight decreased drastically. No one knows my predicaments except myself and I did not have plans of finding solutions for it.

One Saturday evening, while I was browsing my phone, I encountered this quote ” It is never too late to be what you might have been ” by George Eliot and I believe this paved the way for me to face reality and do something about it. I also realized that to find the real meaning of  happiness , we should start within ourselves.  Resigning from work entails a lot of consequences, it has pros and cons and it is just a matter of how you perceive things and how do you want to react on it.

I thought of the reasons why I resigned and it is all because of my loved ones. If they are happy and healthy so am I. The decision I made was carefully thought of and prayed for. It is my choice to choose them over my blooming career.

Now, I wake up with a grateful heart because I was able to do more. I never thought that giving up the corporate title will just open so many doors for me. I considered it a blessing that I was able to see things positively. Slowly, I turned my fears in to challenges, my weakness to my inspiration.

Now, I can wear different hats and give ample time for those roles without compromising the quality I would always like to deliver.

I am not a  manager now but at the end of the day I am  grateful that I am a mommy, wife, personal nurse of my father who is on dialysis, quality analyst to our family business and an entrepreneur. I might not be able to earn as much as before but the times I got to spend and help my loved ones  are truly incomparable.

It is not easy to give up work however priorities change over time and we need to weigh the pros and cons. My baby is growing fast, my husband is getting sickly and my parents need me more than ever.