After the Heartbreak

Move-on or hang-on? Is it really love or just an attachment?

At some point in our lives, we would experience heartbreak. One day, you mean so much to someone, then suddenly, you just don’t matter anymore. You gave all your heart, invested time, effort, and energy to your relationship, yet it’s still not enough, you still end up feeling abandoned and betrayed. So what now? What’s your next move? How do you deal with your broken heart?

Advice from friends often goes like “move on, there’s someone better for you” or “there’s more to life than him/her anyway, you gotta move on”. Easy said than done right? While our friends have the best intentions, there’s one person that has the final say, YOU. So what do you want to do now? move on or hang on? This is the most difficult decision you have to make when faced with a heartbreak. You are torn whether to fight for and save the relationship or just respect your partner’s decision and just let them go.

You start to wonder and soon your mind will be filled with “what ifs”.

“What if he still loves me? Maybe he’s just confused right now.”

“What if we are really meant for each other? I have to do something to save it.”

“What if she just wants me to pursue her? I should show her how much I really love her.”

These “what ifs” make us hang on. It might sound right to fight for your love, right? But respecting the decision of your partner that wants out of the relationship is equally right. Yes, there are a lot of things that might have or could have been, but at this moment, it’s beyond your control. Your partner is also an individual who has a right to choose for him/herself. Besides, if you really love the person, their happiness should be your top priority. Would you keep the relationship even if your partner is unhappy? That’s just plain selfish. If your partner is unhappy, would you be happy?

Sometimes we mistake attachment with love. Attachment is the fear of being abandoned, the fear of being left out. When you are so attached to your partner, it could be suffocating for them. You always want to be with them. You think that all your activities should be done together and not with someone else. You are always suspicious when they don’t update you on their whereabouts or what they’re doing. You feel insecure most of the times. You are afraid that one day, they will stop loving you, that one day you are not special to them anymore.

Love on the other hand is deeper. Love is the feeling of security and contentment. You don’t worry too much if you don’t know all the things your partner is doing. You are secured enough to feel that everything is all right. In short, you are not paranoid. You let them have their own space, their own activities, even if it means they have to do it without you, and you feel ok with that. Love doesn’t suffocate, it gives space for growth. Love means that your partner’s happiness is your happiness too.

The question now is, do we move on or hang on? It really depends on you, actually. But I think the best thing to do right now is not focus on what you lost or about to lose, but instead focus on yourself first. You can’t pour from an empty cup, right? So fix yourself first. Fill your heart with love, forgiveness, and hope. Hope that soon, everything will be all right. Remove any resentment, anger, guilt, and sadness (if possible) in your heart. Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it (Proverbs 4:23). If you focus on yourself, you will start to feel lighter, happier. Soon, the people around you will absorb your positive energy, and who knows, you might attract your partner back or someone else better. My point here is if you love yourself first, people will find it easier to love you also.

Don’t worry, you’ll get there. Time is on your side. So move on from negativity, and hang on to that hope that soon, everything will feel right.

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